Bits 'N Pieces From Our Readers
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences ACTUALLY appeared in church bulletins, or were announced in church services:
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer and Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals."
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers.' Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time!
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J. F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 p.m. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread, and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 p.m. will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
LADIES Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday - "I'm Upping My Pledge - Up Yours."
Thanks to P.O. for sending these funnies
Sophie Tucker's Rules for Survival
What a woman needs
From birth to 18 -- a good mother
18 to 35 -- good looks
35 to 55 -- good personality
55 on -- money
Thanks to P.O.
I Am A Tiny Angel
Before I Was An Angel
And Because God Is So Busy,
When He Tucked Me In Your Pocket
Thanks to J.M.
Devil in the Church
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving... seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Thanks to J.M.
An Irish Friendship Wish
May there always be work for your hands to do;
OK, this is what you have to do.... Send this to all of
Thanks to J.M.
Some new billboards are getting attention in Cleveland.
Some reported seeing one or two messages, but the newspaper listed all of
them. Here's a list of all variations of the "God Speaks" billboards. The
billboards are a simple black background with white text.These are
Thanks to J.M.